September 7, 2002

Today, I received a letter from Richard Moss — one that I had relinquished hopes of receiving a response to — and a level of validation of my current state. Of note in the letter was his assertion that, contrary to my ideas on the stage of the process, I had passed through and stabilized in a new larger state with a new larger “referent.” He also asserted a subtle, but unstoppable movement had started — whether this was based on my description in the letter or on his own larger energetic perception was not distinguished. There was also repeated encouragement to serve Life and to ground more fully, along with his love and best wishes.

I cannot state the profound gratitude I felt toward the man, one of the few who can speak intelligently to my condition, and the surprising knowledge dawned that in spirit, I was a disciple of his. He feeds me, on a deep level in a way no one else has approached…

…My contact with Richard began out of pure fear at the beginning of the Undoing in 2001. I asked for assistance because of a sense that I was being invaded or possessed, and an excerpt in BB talked about his experience in spontaneously exorcising a case of possession. But [the event] turned out to be the beginning of the transformational fire, and his words and wisdom have proven to be a guiding beacon since then.

---

In a moving account of his spiritual awakening, Richard Moss tells how a black butterfly alighted on his forehead and reality turned inside out. He was catapulted into a new level of awareness, where ordinary explanations of life no longer applied…

Here is a thought-provoking inquiry into the shift in consciousness that is happening to all of us. Dr. Moss explores the impact of transformation on culture, questioning our assumptions about health, sexuality, war, childrearing, and most importantly – our whole approach to life.

But it wasn’t until I bought the book and began reading it that the serendipitous nature of my finding it became apparent. Richard Moss had been a friend and disciple of Merrell-Wolff’s and in fact, his opening had occurred in a coffee shop in Lone Pine just prior to an initial pre-arranged meeting with Merrell-Wolff, a meeting just like the one I had envisioned in my trips to the Owens Valley. In an introduction written for a new edition of Pathways, Moss recounts the circumstances of their meeting.

---

Dr. Wolff, as he liked to be called, or Yogi as some of his students affectionately referred to him, was eighty-nine years old in 1977 when I first met him. I vividly recall that first meeting. It was only hours after the onset of the enormous energetic opening that would change my life forever. I was in a nearly overwhelming state of openness and while I had not consciously come in search of a teacher for myself, life in its intelligence was providing one. Suddenly, I was in the presence of this man whose very being brought calm to the forces.

It had been a small pilgrimage to visit him that first time. The journey began some months before when I wrote requesting a meeting after reading Pathways Through To Space. His wife had written back confirming a date and including the directions to their home. They lived on the eastern side of the Sierra Nevada, the great range of mountains that divide the fertile western regions of California from the high desert that stretches east for a thousand miles. The trip had taken the better part of two days to drive from San Francisco.

Leaving the small desert town of Lone Pine behind, I began to climb toward the base of the Sierra. As I drove the last miles up a washboard dirt road, I was stunned by the view. On either side stretching north and south for as far as the eye could see lay thousands of hectares of sage and scrub growth. In front of me to the west, the late afternoon light silhouetted the majestic escarp of the High Sierra and the fanning spread of the sunbeams gave me the distinct feeling of entering a great natural cathedral. Behind me to the east, the land sloped gently downhill, descending over two thousand feet to the base of the Owens Valley and then rising again to the soft contours of a second range of mountains, the older Inyos. With 14,000-foot peaks on either side, Owens Valley is the deepest valley in the United States. I had driven about a dozen miles in this vast empty landscape without a dwelling in sight when seemingly, in the middle of nowhere, appeared a simple gate with an aging sign: Association of Man Ranch. I passed through it.

Bouncing over and around boulders along a barely usable road, I soon drove past a small cluster of houses and an old orchard nearly reclaimed by the desert. I knew from Dr. Wolff’s directions that these were the homes of some of his oldest students. In another half mile, the road came to an end. There, sitting alone, nestled in a small oasis of trees and twittering birds was a simple white, one-story house. There were no telephone lines, no power lines. As I stood on the front porch, I could see for over a hundred miles to the north and south. The other houses were now invisible, swallowed by the undulations of this vast landscape.

… The man who emerged from his study to greet me immediately impressed me with his sense of dignity. I noticed that his walk was a little unsteady, but there was no mistaking the vitality in his eyes. He was eighty-nine years old at the time. He had a trim beard that came to a sharp point below his chin and a full head of dark gray hair. He was wearing a tie and a rumpled and somewhat threadbare dinner jacket. I would learn that he always dressed this way even when relaxing alone in his home. But the most unusual quality about him, which deserves special remark, was his deep voice and the old-world elegance of his use of language. He spoke very slowly, carefully enunciating every word. It was soon evident that he used a rich vocabulary, very precisely and sparingly, even in ordinary conversation.

And then he pulled out a cigarette, which somewhat surprised me. It was an unfiltered Pall Mall, as potent a cigarette as exists in America. He carefully fit the cigarette into a plastic holder that contained a filter and with a slight tremor, lit it. Even smoking took on a sense of refinement with this man. In those days I still enjoyed an occasional cigarette. Not having any of my own with me, I asked him if I might have one too. Quite willingly, he passed the pack to me and then with the wry, sardonic humor I came to love so much, he remarked, “More friendships are based on commonality of vice, than on commonality of virtue.” I knew I was going to like this man.

---

The Black Butterfly was every bit as influential in my thinking as Pathways had been. The difference was in the development of the circumstances of my life and a certain hardening towards the possibility of finding the object of my search: I had devoted most of the previous decade to transcendental seeking without much to show for it, and consequently, I was a bit more skeptical that the higher consciousness could be reached by my efforts and thus more existentially closed to the possibility. Even so, Richard’s words had a profound and deep effect on me; they seemed to sing on the pages, and his analysis of the human frame of mind on many subjects struck me as some of the most profound I had ever read. And as alluded to previously, in speaking of his newfound abilities after his opening, Moss speaks briefly of an experience of spontaneous exorcism of an individual. This anecdote buried itself in the back of my mind and was to prove the explicit catalyst for our eventual contact.

In the first days of the Undoing, recognizing that I was dealing with what appeared to be an alien force and very fearful of the possibility of possession, I recalled the anecdote in Black Butterfly and resolved to reach out for help. Over a 24-hour period, I left a brief cryptic email message at his website asking for his assistance, and I followed up with a phone call to his offices where I left a voice message with his assistant. Later that day, my parents whisked me back to my hometown, and there I waited with the amplifying Force and fading hope that an outside party could do anything for me.

To my surprise, his assistant called a few days later and arranged a telephone consultation with Richard. At the appointed time, I seated myself in the study and dialed the number I had. A soft-spoken male voice answered. I introduced myself, and after the formalities were out of the way, I began to outline the events of the previous few days. Richard was very quiet at first, interjecting a point occasionally, but letting the entire story come out before he began to speak in a sustained fashion. Then, patiently and steadily, he began to talk. It developed, and grew and took shape in my mind organically, like the silk coming from a spider. His voice drew me out, from a fearful and closed corner to an open vista. As he talked, he seemed to be soaring aloft – his words, his manner of speaking were like poetry – allegories were developed, analogies were drawn, metaphors employed, and the entire presentation seemed a living, organic whole. As I listened intently to what he was telling me, I had the sense that he was speaking from the depths of a vast space. On the other end, he appeared to be sensing into my condition, hearing my unspoken fears and responding to them though they had not been explicitly stated; this was perceptiveness raised to another degree entirely.

He said a number of things that stuck with me, but the principal conclusion he drew was that I was not in danger of possession, but undergoing a particularly brutal transition into a more inclusive level of consciousness. One point that particularly struck me was his assertion that to attempt to go through this process (whether an awakening or a lifetime) in the way I was doing it…denying the energy polarities of sexual attraction, repressing or not expressing the full sexual energy that animates us – was an unusually difficult thing to achieve and not to be recommended . I was unsure exactly of what he was suggesting, and a small modicum of doubt came into my mind. But this misgiving was my only reservation, and as time would prove, showed more about my fearful state of mind that about his intent.

Richard’s main point was that I was reaping the consequences of a erecting a particularly harsh and rigid wall against the Life Force as those walls began to crumble. He saw deep significance in what had transpired with me, given my recent history and difficulties. While I could intellectually concede his points…yes, I did have a hardened shell against interactions with women; yes, I was fearful and could not release and surrender to the process…how could he tell all this about me, anyway…I was a long way from being able to incorporate his suggestions in a living way. But I was truly grateful at the end of those 45 minutes that he had taken the time to speak with a total stranger in distress.

A few days later, after I had sent a note with a donation for his efforts, I received an unexpected surprise – a letter from Richard.

January 18, 2001

Dear Doug,

What is this woman (healer) who wants to come into your life? If we call her “the feminine,” what is this? To me, the feminine is life force; it is from Life itself, a flow, ever changing. It (the feminine) seeks to merge with experience, to touch directly, to make love, literally and figuratively.

Please set your life force free. I suggest you dance, sing, paint, walk, and sit in nature-rich places.

Help what is trying to help you.

With best regards,
Richard Moss

Richard amplified these points in a follow-up letter after I wrote back with an update on my condition.

March 22, 01

Dear Doug,

I believe it is the task of each of us to develop our own relationship to the Godhead, however we consider that. We must not be submerged by the energetic, psychological, or psychophysical forces that emerge, but rather stand our ground and deepen in our humanity .

The feminine is literally life force. It is the energy and ringing ears and surges and waves of fear. She must be courted and consoled so that she becomes gentler. Find ways to be soft with your aliveness – walk, be easeful in natural surroundings, take warm baths. In short tend to yourself consciously and respectfully and tenderly.

I wish you well,
Richard

A year and a half later, having come through the worst of the process and resumed a more or less normal day-to-day life, albeit with an altered consciousness, I sent Richard another letter seeking further understanding. It seemed unusual to me that having gone through the transformational fire, I had not stepped over into a state of bliss, and that my day-to-day personality (i.e. my ego, rooted in subject-object consciousness) did not appear to be much different than before the event. I questioned whether I had experienced what he referred to as a perturbation of (the existing) consciousness instead of a transition to a new level of consciousness. Some time later, he responded:

Sept 3, 02

Dear Doug,

Thanks for your letter. Actually, I think based on what you describe that you have stabilized in a new state. You have not returned to your old or basic self-functioning.

Of course, subject/object consciousness continues, but it is not – as ego -I- the ultimate basis of identity or of meaningfulness. Now there is a new referent and this is never an object even though you can and will continue (at one level) to regard yourself as an object, an “I” or “me.” Still an inexorable but subtle movement is now taking place. My experience is that this is the birth of the possibility for full(er) humanity.

This is our world to love and to care for. We are each other’s keepers. We do “spread over” each other.

Yes, what you called evil was the feeling of dissolution of the basic finite ego. God looks like the demonic when the ego still holds the center of the identity.

I’m glad you are past the terror, but the work of redeeming fear through non-reactive attention will go on and so gradually we awaken out of the dream of survival and the agency of the god of Fear and into the light of Being and the domain of the god of Love. Non-reactive attention and grounded, intelligent action and service. Live it fully and serve naturally.

I, too, welcome our meeting one day. Please receive my love and my best wishes.

Richard

I did finally get a chance to meet Richard in May 2003, when he gave a talk at a Santa Barbara auditorium. Then, as on the phone with me, and in his books as well, his words struck me as utterly brilliant in laying out the mind-sets of the human condition and how we may transcend them. My attention was heightened that evening, and I understood everything he said in a deeply visceral way the moment he uttered the words. As with some of the symbolic occurrences that took place in the Undoing, the implications, correspondences, stated and unstated premises and conclusions were all instantly evident to me. At intermission, he was available for book signings for a few moments. I approached and introduced myself, and commented briefly on his talk. Upon hearing my name and a brief re-acquaintance with what we had previously shared, he said, “It’s always good to put a face with the name.“ There was a moment of silence between us, as I looked on into his eyes in an unattached and dispassionate state of the mindfulness that was becoming more my natural state. He looked back at me with a somewhat quizzical expression. There was some sort of unexpressed and wordless interaction passing between us; then, the spell was broken as another person stepped up to have a book signed.

After the presentation was complete, I hung around for a few more moments outside the auditorium, debating whether to approach him again. It seemed unfair, almost beggarly of me, to want to hold his attention any longer when I had nothing of substance to offer in the interaction , but I did owe him a personal expression of gratitude for his interest and time in my time of turmoil and distress. He was again just a few feet away, signing books and answering questions. And so, I stepped up to him again, and extended my hand. “I want to thank you…”, I began, and then he pulled me into an embrace. “You really helped me through a rocky period,” I said. He responded enthusiastically, “I felt that! I felt that!” We separated, and he looked at me with a smile. “Stay in touch, OK?” he said. I nodded.

I felt like I had come home.

---

© Copyright DH McCarty and viaperennis.wordpress.com, 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author and viaperennis.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.